Boxing Up the Memories
by hikari-aozora
Summary: Everything on the wall is a memory. But Kairi doesn't want to remember anymore. [SxK] [Sad Oneshot...] R&R!


**Disclaimer: Once upon a time, I owned all of the Kingdom Hearts characters and lived happily ever after. Then I woke up.**

Normal

_Flashback_

**Emphasized**

_**... Boxing Up the Memories ...**_

_"Excuse me, Miss. Are you Kairi?"_

_"Yes, that's me. Can I help you?"_

_"No, Miss ... but this is for you ..."_

_-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

Kairi sat staring at her bedroom wall. To just about anyone else, this wall would have been nothing special, just an average hunk of sheet rock, painted purple, covered in picutres, newspaper clippings, posters, and such. But to Kairi, it was much more than that. Each item that was framed and hung on it, taped, tacked, or stapled to it, was precious. Everything on this wall meant something special to her. Everything on this wall was a memory.

Most of the pictures were that of her, a petite 15-year-old with red-violet hair and eyes the color of the sunset, and her circle of friends: the perky, happy-go-lucky Selphie, with her perfect body, brown hair that curled effortlessly at the ends, lively green eyes, and obsession with the color yellow; the determined, stubborn Tidus, who sported blonde, wavy spikes on his head, a red stick used in play-fights, and a spunky disposition; the laid-back Wakka, with deep tan skin, red hair that curled up under his blue sweatband, and notorious blitz ball, always tucked securely under his left arm; the mysterious Riku, who had silver hair that gleamed in the moonlight, shocking green eyes, a scowel that could pierce and shatter any happy countenance, and a pale, yet muscular, body ...

... and then there was **him** the boy with wild chocolate brown hair that stood up in unruly spikes all over his head, the boy with the sky-blue eyes that could capture any girl's heart, the trademark goofy grin that made him so lovable, and the unmatched determination that made him respectable.

**Him** Sora.

He was in most of the pictures. More than the rest of her friends, at least. Maybe it was because she cared about him the most. Yes, he was in most of the pictures because she had wanted it that way.

There were pictures of she and Sora at the beach, building sand castles when they were younger, body surfing a few years after that, but smiling all the while. There was one picture that she had snapped of Sora and Riku battling with their wooden swords. Another one was of Sora sleeping, which would have been quite a boring picture except that Riku had drawn on his face with a marker as he had slept. There was yet another picture of she and Sora at the playground several years back, dangling upside-down underneath the monkey bars, making silly faces into the camera. Next to that picture was one of she, Sora, Riku, Selphie, Tidus, and Wakka, at the start-of-summer festival down at the beach. It was dark and an enormous bon fire blazed in the background, yet they all had smiles on their faces, unaware that it would begin to rain only a few seconds later and the bonfire would be doused.

The posters were mainly of vacation spots, some of which were on the main island, but most of which were in far away places Kairi had never heard of before. Sora had found most of them while browsing in skate shops or just walking around the town. Yet, he said he found a few of them just laying on the ground, carelessly discarded. He had presented them to Riku and Kairi, and this had helped fuel the fire within Riku, the fire that urged him to escape from the island and take Kairi and Sora with him.

_Why, Sora, why? Why did you let Riku see these posters? I didn't want to leave ..._

The newspaper clippings were mostly of reports of their school's sports teams, which Sora and Riku were devoted to at one point in their lives. The articles spotlighted the teams for winning games, tournaments, and such. They were interesting, if you were bored enough to read them, but they weren't as important as the pictures. Nevertheless, they were memories.

Everything on this wall was a memory.

_-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

_"...Can I help you?"_

_"No, Miss ... but this is for you ..."_

_"What is it?"_

_"A letter."_

_"A letter from who?"_

_-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

Yes, every picture was a memory. Every poster was a memory. Every newspaper clipping was a memory. **Everything** on this was represented an important memory.

But she didn't want to remember.

Kairi reached behind herself and pulled forward a large cardboard box, and, without thinking twice, and without a single hint of emotion on her face, she began ripping down the memories and tossing them into the box.

The frames of the pictures clanked against each other as they were thrown carelessly on top of one another. The glass in the frames cracked and shattered, but what did she care? Kairi was taking down everything that ... all the memories that ... reminded her of ...

"Kairi ..."

Behind the girl, on the edge of her bed, sat a boy dressed in mostly black. Though there were hints of red, blue, and yellow in his attire, the black suited him best, considering the circumstances. But if you looked into the room from the window, you probably wouldn't see him sitting there. He had faded into the shadows of the dimly lit room. Yet, it was unlikely that light would help him stand out. However, if you could see him, you might have noticed that his face was reflected in most of the pictures on the wall, though his face had aged a year or so. Many of the snapshots were adorned by his unruly brunette spikes, though his hair was lighter now. In almost every photo you could see his deep, sky blue eyes and goofy grin, though the light had faded from his eyes, and he sure wasn't smiling now. It was the same person, of course, but you probably wouldn't have noticed, had you been looking into the room.

"Kairi ... Kairi, please ..."

But the girl did not pay him any attention. She continued with her task, as if it were more important than him. She was devoted to her task, completely focused on it, and he wasn't going to tear her away from what she needed to do.

He watched her work, watched her throw away her past - **their **past - with a heavy heart, but he was powerless to stop her. He wouldn't interfere. He **couldn't **interfere ... even if he had wanted to, really.

"Why won't you talk to me, Kairi?" asked the boy, getting to his feet. Still the girl said nothing, almost as if she didn't hear him, though he knew she could. She, herself, had willed him there, as if she had meant only to toture him by ignoring him ... and by throwing him away ... by boxing him up forever. He didn't blame her, though. If she was angry with him, furious, even, he could understand why. He had caused her so much pain, surely he deserved anything she did to him now. If she never forgave him, he would understand completely.

But he wanted her to talk to him, at least one last time. Even if the words she spoke were, "Go away!" it would be enough.

"Kairi, please, don't ignore me," said the boy as he took a few steps toward her, and then he stopped as he saw her shiver, a wave of cold air rushing upon her from behid all of the sudden. He felt nothing, of course, but he didn't want her to be cold. And so he moved no further. He sighed, and said, "Please, talk to me. I know you can hear me, Kairi."

The girl was silent at first, dilligently continuing with her task, ripping down another poster, but as she wadded it up in her hands, she said, "I can hear you just fine, Sora. I can always hear you. I don't pretend not to." She tossed what was left of the poster into the box.

"Kairi, what are you doing?" Sora said, his voice airy and tainted with grief, as he watched her strip the wall clean of posters. The items in the box were beginning to pile up.

Without turning away from her work, Kairi answered him. "I'm getting rid of it all," she said. "I'm boxing up the memories." She took a longer-than-normal glance at the picture she had in her hand, which was of her and Sora, but she was careful not to look at it long enough for him to catch on to what she was doing. And with a sigh, she tossed it in the box, too.

Sora just stared at her for a moment, wondering what she was thinking, wondering why things had to turn out this way. Then he asked her, "**Why**?"

"I've been meaning to for a while," she said, still showing no emotion. "In fact, I meant to, that day ... so I figured I shouldn't put it off any longer." She threw another wad of paper in the box. "It's just ... too much ... the room's too cluttered!" she spat, avoiding the real reason why she was throwing everything out.

"That's not why you're getting rid of everything," Sora said, as if reading her mind. "I know you too well."

"No, Sora, you **knew** me too well," Kairi quickly responded, correcting the boy. She tore another picture from the wall. "But you don't know me anymore." She tossed it into the box. "While you were gone - over a year you and Riku left me here by myself, you know - I changed. Not like **you** ever would have noticed anyway. **You** never made an effort to come back ... like you said you would ..." Kairi paused for a moment, for the slightest bit of time, remembering Sora's words, the last she had heard him say before ... before ... well, you know.

"Kairi, the whole time I was gone, I was searching, fighting for a way to get home," Sora said, trying to raise his voice, though he found it difficult. He wanted to make a point that he was, in fact, trying to get home. He couldn't help what happened. And had he been able to make it, he would have noticed that she had changed, for the better, of course. She was more beautiful than ever ... and just as amazing as he had always thought her to be. If only the past could be undone, but -- "You know I tried, Kai--"

"And I suppose what happened was an accident, right?" the girl snapped, practically slamming the next picture into the box. No, she couldn't show any emotion besides anger. She wanted him only to know how furious she was at him for what happened. She couldn't let him know that it **killed **her inside.

_-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

_"A letter from who?"_

_"You ... you should read it yourself."_

_"Is it ... is it from him?"_

_"Miss, I ... I'm sorry."_

_-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

"Yes, Kairi, it was an accident!" Sora said, trying his best to shout, though it only added more air to his voice. "I couldn't help what happened! I tried, Kairi, I really tried, but you know, you can't stop it from happening! Everyone has to face it eventually!" He paused for a moment, waiting for her to respond. When she didn't, he added hesitantly, "If it makes you feel any better, I only ever thought about you ..."

"And how exactly is that supposed to make me feel better, Sora!" Kairi rebuked, cutting him off, turning her head to the side almost far enough to see him out of the corner of her eye. "You only ever thought about me ... you were thinking about me ... even in the last battle! Well, I would rather you not have, Sora, because look what happened! Face it Sora, you're **never** coming back, because you're **dead**!"

_-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

_Kairi was standing on the pier of the main island, staring out at the little islet where she and her friends used to play. She had made a promise to herself that she wouldn't return to it until she could remember him, the boy she forgot, Sora. She smiled to herself, praising herself for her accomplishment. She had remembered his name, just this morning, and now, it was time to return to the island, where all of their memories were._

_She couldn't wait to remember!_

_Kairi bent over to untie her boat from the pier when she heard a car drive up behind her. Thinking this was a little odd, since most people on the island walked wherever they went, she turned around to face a small black vehicle with tinted windows that she had never seen before. She cocked her head to one side in curiosity as she watched a man climb out of the driver's seat and make his way toward her. He was dressed grimly, all in black, to match the color of his car. Kairi, though a little anxious as to why a grown man was approaching her, couldn't help but think that he looked oddly familiar, as if from a dream. Realizing she couldn't possibly know him, she shook these thoughts aside and took a step toward the man._

_"Excuse me, Miss. Are you Kairi?" he asked, looking her in the eye. His eyes ... they were so cold, so sad, so grey ... Kairi felt a tiny bit of worry arise in her. Why was this man looking for her? Of course, she felt he meant her no harm, so she answered him._

_"Yes, that's me," she said. When the man averted his gaze, she asked, "Can I help you?"_

_He shoved a hand into his coat pocket, still avoiding looking into Kairi's eyes, as if hiding somehting from her. "No, Miss ... but this is for you ..." He pulled a small, tan envelope from his coat and held it out for her. Kairi was hesitant to take it, wondering what it was._

_"What is it?" she asked, her gaze shifting back and forth between the man and the envelope._

_"A letter," he said. Consice and to-the-point. Well, Kairi could have figured as much._

_"A letter from who?" she asked, hoping to get more of an answer this time._

_"You ... you should read it yourself." No, not much more of an answer._

_But suddenly, Kairi felt like she knew who it was from. Maybe that was why she had remembered Sora so suddenly, because she had forseen a letter from him ... in a dream ... and that was why she recognized the man. "Is it ... is it from him?" Without waiting for a reply, she snatched the letter from the man's hand and began to tear at the seal._

_The man hung his head even more. "Miss, I ... I'm sorry."_

_What had he to be sorry about? If it was a letter from him, he shouldn't be sorry! Kairi finally broke through the envelope's seal. She pulled out the letter, unfolded it, and tossed the envelope aside, a huge smile on her face._

_But as she read the scratchy handwriting on the paper, her smile began to fade, and she realized what the man had to be sorry about ..._

_**Dear Kairi,**_

_**We of the Hollow Bastion Restoration Committee regret to inform you that your friend, Sora, was killed at the end of his final battle not far from here. Kairi, we are very, very sorry for your loss. Words cannot express how saddened we are by this loss. Even though we only met you once, we know that you and he had a strong bond. We're taking his body back to the islands for the funeral service this Saturday beginning at noon. **_

_**Kairi, we are truely sorry.**_

_**Sincerely,**_

_**Leon, Aerith, Yuffie, Cid**_

_Then, Kairi unfolded the last bit of paper, and her lucky charm fell into her hand._

_Kairi felt like all the life had been sucked out of her, like she had nothing left to live for now. She dropped the letter, and it was whisked away to the sea. She didn't know what to do, or what to say. She just stood there, staring at the man who had delivered the letter to her, her mouth open in shock. How could he ... why did he ...?_

_The man, without saying another word, turned around and headed back to his car. He got in the driver's seat, and Kairi expected him to drive away, but he didn't. Instead, the car sat motionless for a few moments more until, slowly, the passenger's door opened, and out stepped another man._

_But this time, Kairi was sure she knew who it was._

_His silver hair and shocking green eyes were unmistakable. She watched him move toward her and then stop right in front of her, just staring. He looked older, more mature, and his hair was longer, but it was him, oh, it was him._

_"Riku ..."_

_She fell into his arms, sobbing uncontrollably, shaking as she did so. She had never been more upset in her life. She wanted to die right then and there, in Riku's arms. She wanted to be stabbed, shot, strangled. Anything would be better than the pain she was feeling now, anything._

_Riku held her tight to him, rubbing her back in an attempt to calm her down, but he couldn't say, "It's okay, Kairi, it's okay," because he knew that he would be lying. Everything was not okay, and it didn't seem like things would ever be okay again. Riku forced back his own tears, trying to stay strong, for Kairi, if not for himself._

_And that night, and for many nights to come, Kairi would cry herself to sleep._

_-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

"So, because of that, because I'm dead, you're going to throw me away forever, and pretend I never existed?" Sora said, trying to hide his frustration with remorse, but he was having trouble expressing any emotion now.

Kairi paused for just a short time again, as if thinking about what he had said, and then she continued on, as if she had never stopped. "I'm not pretending, Sora," she said. "This--" she tossed another frame into the box "--is not pretend. It's real, unlike you."

Sora was hurt. How could she say that? "Kairi, I am real! I'm real, and I'm here and ... and why won't you accept it?" He was running out of things to say in his own defense. He didn't want her to forget him, because if she forgot ... then he couldn't ever come back.

"I have accepted it, Sora," she said, almost calmly. "It's you who hasn't accepted the fact that you're dead. **Dead**!" She sighed as she continued with her work. "Why can't you just leave me alone?"

Sora couldn't take his eyes off of her as she did her work, but she didn't dare face him as she said these words. Why couldn't he leave her alone? "Because, Kairi, at the funeral, I ... my spirit ... was still trapped inside my body. After I died, I was thrown into darkness, with no conscience of time or place, just ... **pitch black**. That was **it. **That was all that I was. I expected to go to an afterlife or something but I stayed, and I couldn't understand why." He carefully took another step toward her, careful not to send more chills her way. "Then ... I don't know exactly what happened, but I felt warm, and suddenly I remembered who I was and what had happened and ... suddenly, I could see **everything** again. I was in what must have been a casket ... it was my funeral ... you were there, weren't you?"

Kairi paused. Of course she had been there. She had been the first one there, the first one to sit down in the very first row with Riku, the one who had watched the pallbearers bring in the dark-colored casket and set it in front of her, the one who had sat quietly and watched as other mourners filed in. Sora's mother was there, and Riku's parents, Leon, Yuffie, Aerith, Cid, Cloud, King Mickey, Queen Minnie, Donald, Daisy, Goofy, Pluto, Selphie, Tidus, Wakka ... even a few people she didn't know. Most of them were crying throughout the service, and she thought she even saw a tear fall from Riku's eye.

But she didn't cry. She had been crying her heart out for 3 days straight. Sure, her eyes were red and puffy, but she had cried long enough. She would have cried forever over Sora if she had thought that's what he had wanted, but she knew he would have wanted her to be strong, and so she would be, at least long enough to get through the day.

Kairi couldn't help looking back at the people crying and wondering what their tears were for. What had Sora meant to them? But to Kairi, their tears meant nothing compared to those she had cried. She looked at Riku, Sora's mother, Tidus and Wakka, Donald and Goofy ... Sure, it was hard to lose a best friend, a son, a partner-in-crime, but Kairi knew first hand it was much harder to lose a lover ... because thats how she felt toward Sora, and she was positive he felt the same way.

When it came time to open the casket and allow the people to see Sora, she let everyone else go first. She wanted to be the last one to look at him, the last one to say goodbye, because she wanted to wait as long as she could before it had to be done. Then, finally, it was her turn. She had stepped up to the casket, taken one look inside, and couldn't take her eyes off of him. This had been the first time she had seen him since he had gone away over a year ago ... and it would be the last.

His sky blue eyes were closed, denying her a glance of them. His smile was gone, the one she had fallen in love countless times. His hair was lighter, his face more matured.

He had looked almost peaceful.

But ... his life was gone.

Kairi reached out and placed a hand upon his. His skin was cold, lifeless, dead, as he was. Everything about him that she had loved so much was gone. The Sora that she had fallen in love with was no more.

With her free hand she reached into her pocket and pulled out her lucky charm and placed a kiss upon it. Then carefully, gently, slowly, she placed it in Sora's hand.

And thus, all of her hopes and dreams, everything that she had lived for, was burried with Sora.

Kairi, in an attempt to rid herself of these thoughts as quickly as possible, simply nodded in response to Sora's question and continued on with her task, which seemed it would **never** end. "I figured there was no use dwelling on the past anymore," she said, tossing something else into the box, which was almost full now.

"So you're just going to get rid of the past alltogether?" Sora asked, trying to understand what Kairi meant by this.

"Not** just **the past," she said, her tone softening a little, "but the present and the future.** Everything**. There's no use dwelling on all these memories, these thoughts ... secrets that were never kept, promises that were never fulfilled, dreams that were never lived up to, hopes that were shattered into tiny pieces and mashed into the dust. There's no use trying to remember it all ... what was ... what is ..."

Kairi looked at the picture she was holding now. It was one taken by Riku of her and Sora standing on their newly built raft, the one that the three of them had worked so hard on, the raft that was supposed to take them **away** from this place, the place Kairi had never wanted to leave in the first place. But Riku and Sora had insisted upon it. Then she had had the thought that she and Sora should just take the raft and go by themselves. At least that way, they could have been together when the world was destroyed, they wouldn't have been seperated, and maybe, **maybe**, things could have been different. Feeling as if she was choking back tears again, she tossed the picture in the box with the rest.

" ... what could have been ..."

Sora could hear a hint of distress on her voice, though it was the tiniest hint of emotion, it was there. He knew that she was starting to break down, starting to realize that maybe what she was doing wasn't such a good idea. He silently pleaded with her to try and remember ... and then he noticed that she had stopped. She was just sitting there, staring at what was left of her pictures.

All the pictures that were left were those of her, alone, smiling and laughing, doing something childish, back when she had nothing to worry about, back when she thought everything was going to be okay, back when she **knew** everything would turn out alright.

But that was when Sora was **alive**.

Sora, not noticing the tears welling up in Kairi's eyes, forced a weak smile onto his face as he looked at the photos himself. "You look so happy," he said.

Kairi couldn't hold it in much longer. She felt as if she were going to burst any second, explode in a rage of emotion, all the while she stared at these pictures of what used to be her. But that Kairi had died along with Sora.

"That Kairi's **gone**."

And with that, she exploded.

Tears streamed down her face as she recklessly tore at her wall, slashing at everything that remained, ripping it all down. She yanked the photos from the wall and shoved them into the box, shattering their delicate frames. She shredded the posters and newspaper articles and anything else that got in her way. She didn't stop until she was sure there was nothing else left on the wall. She didn't stop until she was sure all of the memories were gone **forever**.

Then she just sat there again, sobbing uncontrollably, her body writhing with the forceful sobs. And Sora could do nothing but watch, gaping at her and what she had done, at the memories that had just been shoved aside for all eternity.

"Kairi ..." he said, managing to sound just a little bit heartbroken, but the girl only answered with more sobs. And then ...

"Just go, Sora! Go away and don't ever come back!" she cried in between sobs. "There's nothing you can do to save me now."

Sora hung his head. She was right. He could do **nothing** for her now. He was completely and totally **powerless** to do anything except watch as she tossed away every single memory she had of him. He sighed, knowing that it had to be done, because although it would hurt him a lot to watch her forget, it would hurt her even more to remember.

And as he turned to walk out of the door, to walk out of Kairi's life and out of life itself forever, he remembered that he **couldn't**, for the same reason that he had stayed before. He had unfinished business here. Shoving his hand into his own pocket, he pulled out Kairi's lucky charm, the source of the warmth he had felt that day, and he turned to walk slowly back toward her.

"Here."

Kairi managed to pull herself together long enough to look at what he was holding out to her, and then she looked up at him with tear filled eyes that seemed to ask, "Why? Why can't you just leave me alone?"

"This way, I can at least keep **one **of my promises," he said, placing the charm in her hand and closing her fingers around it. "I brought it back to you, Kairi, just like I said I would."

Kairi stared at the charm in her hand in disbelief. She had put the charm in the coffin! It had been burried with Sora! "B-but **how** ...?"

Sora knelt down so that he was on her level and looked into her watery eyes. "I didn't leave this world for the next because there were still some things I had to finish, still some words that were left unsaid, promises unkept," he explained, taking her other hand in his. "And I know it may mean nothing to you now, coming from me, and I can understand if you never forgive me for what I did, but I just couldn't leave without telling you what I had been meaning to do as soon as I saw you again ... though that day never came."

"W-what's-s th-that?" Kairi said, her voice beginning to break.

Sora put a hand to her face and wiped away her tears with his thumb. Then he looked deep into her lively, though tear-filled, eyes and said, with all the sincerity that he could muster, "I love you."

And as Sora closed the distance between his lips and Kairi's, neither of them felt cold any longer. In fact, neither of them had never felt more **alive**.

The kiss was passionate and deep, and tears fell from Kairi's eyes, even as she closed them and gave herself to the kiss. The feel of his lips upon hers was surprisingly warm. She felt ... **relieved** ... like she had gotten the one thing that she had waited so long for. She was sharing a kiss with Sora, for **real, **because he **was** there, and she couldn't deny it. Every bit of the kiss was real, and it was all that Kairi could have wished for and more. And even though it only lasted a few seconds, it seemed like it had lasted an eternity.

As they pulled apart, Kairi looked at Sora, and he smiled that goofy, trademark grin, and for an instant the life returned to his eyes. For that moment, he **had** been alive, she just knew it!

"Kairi," Sora said, stroking her face, standing and taking her with him as he did so, "if you must forget -- and I can understand why -- at least remember **that.** Remember my love for you, always, please ... for me."

Kairi nodded and smiled, even as Sora turned and walked away. She saw a flash of light and then ... he was gone.

At least, the human form of him was, and now the spirit ...

But she knew that in her heart, the memory of him would **always** stay. She had said so herself ...

_Wherever you go, I'm always with you._

Turning around to look back down at her cardboard box, she noticed that it was filled to the brim with frames and paper. Everything in that box was a memory, though it may have been a tattered, wadded-up, or shattered memory, it was a memory none the less.

Everything in the box was a memory.

But Kairi knew now that she didn't want to forget.

And with that, she picked up the first picture, and hung it back on the wall.

_-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

**Author's note: **Okay, another oneshot while I'm trying to get past my writer's block for Bittersweet Melody. I hope you liked it. I felt like writing something sad cuz I've been listening to sad music from the Final Fantasy X and X-2 soundracks like Eternity, Yuna's Ballad, To Zanarkand, Suteki da ne, and the Ending Theme for FFX. Yup. Sad music. So I wrote something sad. And I'm pretty proud of it too, lol. Anyway, review so I know if it was good or not!


End file.
